Wow the last day of the year...

Time to leave 2008 behind.

In the beginning of this year I was broke depressed and feeling like my world was caving in. I was with Chris, the father of my three youngest children. He had no job and we had no money. I worked and was earning really good money yet we didn't even have food on Christmas day. I felt sorry for myself because I thought I loved Chris, and he was going through some shit in his life, so I thought that one day it would get better. He has four other children out there and never held a job long enough to support us let alone the other ones. I knew deep down that I didn't want to be with him, that I was allowing him to drag me down. I knew deep down that he would never stop cheating on me and lying to me and stealing from me. I allowed all this to happen. It wasn;t my FAULT but I allowed it to happen by taking him back last year under false pretences. I knew he was shit but yet I felt sorry for him.

Then I had a breakdown and walked out on my job. The best job that I'd ever had. I fought with my boss and walked out on her. Then I had the fortune to hear what the woman at Print Blocks had to say when she left a message for me on my phone. There was a job opening that I had been interested in, but it seems that my work ability and ethic was judged simply by my message bank message which was a little chipmonk thing just laughing...I did it for the kids because the girls were beginning to hav their friends call them, so we did it for kicks...however it wasn't good enough for madame Print Blocks...she failed to hang up the phone after leaving an abrupt "heidi it's_____ from Print Blocks returning your call. Call me on Monday" slam goes the phone BUT not properly, in the next breath I hear in a rather snobbish voice "Well I WON"T be emplyer her/ he he he , if she's the one responsible for that on her phone" I was DUMBFOUNDED. What a tool. We called them on Monday about it and spoke to her husband. He was very apologetic and offered me an interview time BWAHAHA yea right...as if I would want to work for some uptight woman with no sense of humour!! they didn't deserve me...their loss though, I AM a hard worker and could have been what they needed. Whatever I got over it.

I ended up back at my original job, but then in April I had a car accident. My poor Peugeot is a write off. Some f*ckwit in a van came onto my side of the road and wiped me out BUT because he failed to pay his insurance, and instead put a TURBO in the stupid van he had the money to make it my fault. I guess it was a case of not what you know but who. My father paid thousands to fight it but to no avail. The driver of the other car obviously gave good head and the prosecuting cop clearly did too, winking at the judge in front of me and all. I mean the other driver, the copper on the scene and the f*cktard witness all had rather elaborate and INCORRECT stories about it , NONE of which even closely matched, but yet it was all my fault? They can all get stuffed. Now I'm awaiting being sued...if they dare to.

So then after the accident I was in a very bad way. I couldn't work. I was taken t hospital with migraine, and I had two people smothering me. I was a total write off myself, again because I allowed it. At the time Lurlene was really good to me, but I was growing weary of it all. I was suicidal...then in May I busted Chris cheating on me again...no matter how hard he denies it...he was cheating. So I bashed him LOL. Well he wasn't understanding my words what else did I have? After being cheated on six times (that I know of!) he is lucky he still breathes!! Oh don't think I didn't have wild fantasies about stabbing him in his sleep! No, I am not generally violent but I do believe I inform people that if my toes are stepped on I will f*ck them up...I can't help it, it's just me and I'm not sorry for it. Lurlene taight me to "drink my cup of concrete and harden the f*ck up" and I did! Lucky I am smart enough to know the balance lol.

So after being on my own again for a while and just learning to find my feet, KNOWING that one day something good had to happen for my life in September I met the man of my dreams. I will never forget the way we looked at each other for the first time. It was truly a movie moment. Then he moved into Lurl and Sean's house to board downstairs. She brought him around for coffee and on the first day I so wanted to give him a hug...but I thought "meh, he is a biker, he won't want a hug" but then I thought No stuff it...it's who I am...I hug my friends So I pout my arms out and said "Oi, gimme a hug! it's what I do!" But not only did he hug me, but he planted the sweetest juiciest kiss on my lips. I was in heaven. I haven't been kissed like that in I don't even know how long!! more than ten years I know that much! lol. Ahhh it was sooooo yummy. After that I was smitten, and so was he. And we have been since. On Christmas day he asked me to marry him...and I said yes. I have never been in love this way before. I thought I had been happy, but now I know really I never have been...this is so different and it's so REAL! I know now I deserve to be happy, and I am so lucky to have found true love finally. And the best thing is?? He doesn't make me feel like I have any reason at all not to trust him. He takes really good care of us all, and he loves us as much as we love him.

Tonight we have the kids home so he is stayng here. He isn't going out with his mates to party...he is a family man and anything he does he wants me to be a part of snd the kids if they are able. I am just so unstressed! lol. I haven't been sick or sore and I haven't had headaches everyday...It's amazing what a bit of true happiness can do to one's health! I feel so good!

I hope you all have a wonderful night tonight. Stay safe and be well...remember, for every two alcoholic drinks you have, have a glass of water in between - hangovers are caused by dehydration - KEEP YOUR WATER UP!!!

Till next year! (lol) xxx